A few days ago I received an e-mail from a woman that expressed that she was on her journey to heal herself. What she wrote brought tears to my eyes and although she didn't know "how-to" connect the pieces, she was aware of the pieces. This is a part of her e-mail…
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"I have been trying to help myself for the past 6 years. I was truly believing
that the precise causes of my feelings of despair that I carry within
persistently could only be done best by myself – after all it is I who is
closest there can be to my memories and in my mind – but that is not working
out, or I wouldn´t be here writing.
Could it be that" depression" is simply a denial of one´s true being, of
the basic-simple-self, like a non-acceptance of what simply strives to be? That
is, like not being able to be aware of the real essence and approach it
properly, and therefore entangled in constant battle against oneself? How can one
know? This can´t be so complicated to confront and accept. Is it that?"
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I wrote back and expressed how i was touched and what I felt from her e-mail. This is part of what I wrote…
"As I read your last paragraph, tears came to my eyes… You got it!!! And yes it is complicated… yet so simple at the same time… once you are aware of denial and how it works."
She wrote back last night and her e-mail had a totally different feel and energy to it and was totally opposite to first one… In this one, I felt a feeling of aloofness, coldness and intellectual indifference. Compared to the first email, this e-mail was an intellectualization of emotions… without any input from her emotional side, and was strictly a Spirit or mental/male polarity point-of-view. I feel that she may have been shocked and frightened by her feelings to my response to her first e-mail and that now she was back-tracking and distancing herself from that part of her that was reaching out…
It's interesting that a few weeks ago I entered into a series of about twenty-five e-mails with a woman that was similar…. yet opposite to this experience… By that I mean that in her first email.. she said that she was also on a healing journey, but the difference was that while she used the "right" words.. I felt nothing from her… no emotions in her writing… right from the start.
I was confused by this, but wanted to see where it was going. We continued for about fifteen e-mails (sometimes five and six emails a day) and I finally expressed what I had denied in the very beginning.. That while she appeared to say and have healing and emotional knowledge and what I call part-truths, there was no emotional content or "feeling" in any of her e-mails. It was also interesting that when I would question, confront or challenge any of her part-truths, she would change the subject and go off in a different direction.
I feel that both of these woman are somehow connected but… the question is how and why? And also, why is this being presented to me?
JR
Saysame (Says-a-me) 