Continued from Post # 49
9:31 a.m. I was thinking of the internet and my website and how I'm struggling, trying to figure it all out. I'm reminded of when I started school. I spoke only German and was going to an English speaking school in a predominantly English community… In other words, there was no one else that spoke German… Words and language, being understood and understanding. It's hard enough learning new concepts, but when you don't know the meaning of any of the words, it's terrifying.
Also I'm afraid ot ask for help. When I though about a little more, I realized that it'not really about a fear of asking for help, but more of a fear of the "hook" and what's it going to cost me when they say, "OK, I'll help you do that if you will help me do this. There was always a "hook" and if it wasn't right away, you knew that sooner or later they would use it with a "remember when I helped you, yadda, yadda, yadda. And what I had to do in return was always more than what I got… I hate it and that's one of my issues….
Now is that what's going to happen again? No, but that's my projection based on my old imprints, programs and beliefs. Hummm? This is interesting as a couple of days ago I was explaining the difference between false and real emotions. This fear of asking is a false emotion based on my unresolved REAL emotions and issues that have as yet, been unexpressed…. I have some healing work to do.
10:08 a.m. These emotions of fear of asking are false because my intuition is not telling me that this is what is going to happen or is happening now. It's my MIND that is saying that this or that is going to happen. There in no NOW experience. The present Now is a projection of a possible future event based on past experiences and is not real, it's false and hence the emotions that arise are also false, responding to the false beliefs of the mind, or what the mind and what the mind is being told.
Hummm? I'm beginning to see things in a different light. I knew about false emotions, but I didn't believe that they were as big an issue as they really are. They go hand in hand with the imprints, programs and beliefs of the mind. The false emotions are like "YES" men or women, doing whatever the boss asks to keep him happy, and doing it in a way that makes the boss look good, even if he is wrong. They react to the whims and wishes, fears and judgments of the Mind with ONLY "positive" feedback.
Confusion and doubt sent the mind spinning into a tizzy and if that confusion and doubt is not expressed, but denied, then all the old imprints, programs and beliefs kick into play as well as all the corresponding "YES SIR" false emotions, that back up and support what the confused mind believes to be the truth…
The Mind can't comprehend or accept the possibility of emotions responding differently other than how he desires them to be. That's why the Mind has a hard time allowing the REAL emotions to surface and be expressed because they don't AGREE with his beliefs and desires. Yet, these very same feelings and emotions that he is denying are exactly what he needs to feel and express to end the confusion and doubt and to clear up the issues of confusion and doubt…
It's interesting that I started out writing about group dynamics and their co-dependency and then moved to friends, then family and finally ended up with the co-dependant relationship between the confused Mind and the False emotions that are at the core of our very being. Here we think that we have all these problems and issues around us, in our outside world, when all along… the real problem in inside us. Sure we can make changes to our outside world, but they are only form changes and the same issues are still there.
All this reminds me of a poem I channeled a few years back.. called Going in Circles… I'll post it in the next post…#51