Post 57 Different… but trying to be the same as others

’07 Apr 18 5:32 am

Yesterday I got a negative review from a woman on Allexperts. I’m not going to go into all the details of her question and my response except to say that while she asked me questions, the only answers that she would accept were ones that went along with her opinion and her beliefs.

That reminds me of the two other women I mentioned back in Post #48 where I had several lengthy e-mails with them and while they claimed to be in agreement and alignment with me, I didn't "feel" that they were. They had no feelings and emotions and so they had no actual experiences and so it was a mental word game to them, like this woman and if I didn’t agree with them and their denial based beliefs, then I was egotistical, holier than thou, etc, etc, all the while they themselves were doing what they were accusing me of doing.

Hummm. That also reminds me of my Mother and her “do as I say, don’t do as I do” motto. I feel that it’s these people, these baboons (Post #52) that are the ones feeding off of me and I feel trapped… as how do I get myself out of this cage and stop them from ripping at me, piece by piece. What are my beliefs that have put me in this cage and put these other people (in my physical reality) in a cage around me to enable them to pick me to pieces.

I just flashed back to starting school and how I was picked on and how nothing that I could say or do was right. I didn’t know their language and customs and I couldn’t communicate with them and so I suffered constant mental, emotional and physical attacks from these baboons that were eating away at me, piece by piece. They were not feeding off of my physically, but they were feeding off of my energy.

I was thinking of these energy vampires and how they change their tactics to confuse you into thinking that they are different. That they aren’t going to mentally, emotionally and physically abuse and attack you. That they are nice and kind and loving BUT that is just an illusion, as it's just another way to get a piece of me. Whenever I deny my true response, I’d be giving them the opportunity to get what they want, a piece or my energy.

A moment ago I flashed back to the "same but different" post and how that’s been a recent theme or issue for me. Humm? Again, going back to starting school and with me being different but trying to ACT and be the same as them, to be similar, to think how they think and act yet knowing that I was different. That also ties into what I wrote a couple of days ago on how people are drawn to people that are similar; similar thought, idea, tastes and desires, having something in common, a commonality.

Ahhh! I get it. These women are giving me what I’m searching for but in a fake way. They are ACTING like they are different (like me) and that they have similar thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions that I have, but all that they have is parts of the thoughts, ideas and concepts, and only a mental understanding of the feelings and experiences, as they don’t actually have them because they are DIFFERENT and not the same as me.. I know it sounds confusing, but it’s not the thoughts and ideas that are different, it’s all about the energy of the thoughts and feelings.

Denial is the Keyword to our being different, but… it’s not just denial, it’s also about the things that are associated with denial. I don’t feel that all these people are of unloving denial essence but when they are in denial, their energy is the same as that of a person that is of denial essence and in that, they also want to feed off me and they can do that when I’m in denial and acting just like them.

There are loving people in denial who are searching for others that are similar, that are “feeling” people, but they are confused in that they believe that they need to like the other people who appear to be happy, and to do that, they are doing what I’ve been doing for most of my life: trying to avoid conflict and be like the others, try to think, act and be like them. The problem is that they only act as if they have the same feelings and emotions as I do, but they don’t have them. They talk the talk, but they can’t walk the walk.

Trouble is that these feeling people don’t know anything different or how to get out of the cycle and stop the other non-feeling, “different” energy people from feeding off of them. The "feeling" people think that conflict is a bad and an unloving thing as that is what the "other" people keep telling them. And so they try to avoid it, when in reality.. the opposite is really true and is what is needed. Conflict will expose the denials and once seen in the light of truth, the conflict can be ended. But before the external conflict can end, the internal conflict has to begin to change and end… and that conflict is our battle with the other parts of ourselves. Our MIND is the key to this change because if the mind isn’t open to change, to challenge, to confront the denials present within and without, then no-thing changes and we keep running around in circles.

JR

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