’07 Apr 18 6:19 am
That’s the tough part, to get past your minds imprints, programs and beliefs to begin to end your denials of the internal conflict and for the MIND to "let go" of the control it has had on it’s heart, feelings, emotions and it’s body. Being “nice” kind, loving, caring, sharing, courteous, respectful, self-sacrificing, are all about giving others a piece of our energy as all these so-called loving things are not real, but are for the most part, done in an unconscioous re-action to an imprints, programs or beliefs.
Humm? Being nice and kind, or receiving niceness or kindness only feels good as long as the denials between the ones giving and the ones receiving are in alignment. Ahh! but this is where it get tricky as a person that is of denial essence can do or say whatever they want and still be in denial and true to their essence that allows them to feed off of the people of loving essence who are in denial. What the people of loving essence don’t understand is that they can also say and do and say what they want, but from the opposite point-of-view… that of NOT being in denial.
But this is also where the conflict arises because love essence that tries to free itself by ending its denials will be in opposition to Denial essence that will try to get love essence back into a state of denial, not to end the conflict, but to allow them to continue to feed off the person that is of loving essence. "Denial essence" will do and say anything to keep "Love essence" from ending it’s denial and being free from the hold that the unloving denial essence has on it.
I just flashed to the dream of being locked in a cage full of baboons (post #53) that were feeding off of me and of hearing the “outside” voices and laughter of those in control of the baboon. As I wrote that I thought… what about me? I’m in a cage, inside a cage of baboons. But as I thought that, I felt that the cage I was in was of my own doing. It’s my cage and it represents my old imprints, programs and beliefs. I’m not free, and while I can talk, I’m still in this cage that is totally confining me.
I just flashed to my past life experiences of shapeshifting and in my challenging the dark wizard and then in being trapped in an large amythest crystal and not being able to get myself out. Finally, I was able to free myself but to do that I left a large piece of myself in the crystal and I emerged as a lizard.
What was the issue back then? How is it similar to what I’m experiencing in this life time? Humm? I can see the "other" players at work and I know how they work, but what caught me back then was my denials. My denials were complex, yet simple. I felt that I had to play by the rules, his rules. I felt that I could and should help others… Guilt. I felt I could benefit, gain power by challenging him and ending his control if I defeated him….
My mind suddenly went blank…6:51 am