’07 June 25 9:27 a.m. A part of me feels “what’s the use” I’ve been struggling with my book and frustrated having to re-do what was lost when my Acer Laptop packed it in. On top of that I don’t feel that there are any people out there that can or want to hear what I have to say, except for a couple of friends I know.
I joined a coupled of groups on “tribe” welcome but they all seem caught up in superficial stuff and they are just going in circles and spinning their wheels. No one has relied to any of my posts, either they are afraid of me or they think that what I have to say is not worth replying to.
I just had another wave of heartbreak sweep over me and through me, but then it was gone as quickly as it came. I don’t know why I’m feeling it.
9:41 a.m. I just felt the loss of broken dreams, of starting something that was joyful and then having it fizzle out as no one else was open to accept it or feel it as I did. If no one else likes it, I must be wrong, because if I was right, then others would also see and feel it like I do. That’s my program and imprint. That unless others accept what I offer, then it’s not real or valid, it’s useless.
9:53 a.m. Another wave went though me as I was deleting some e-mail. Just a click of a button, the movement of a finger and it’s all gone, deleted forever; that things can be destroyed that easily. It’s harder to build things that it is to destroy it. All the thought, feelings, time and energy that you put into an idea and then try to manifest it is huge compared to how little effort it takes to destroy it. Why?
First thought was that it wasn’t built right, that denial must be present or unlovingness wouldn’t be appearing to have the power it does to destroy it so easily. Again, all the emotions and feelings are gone.
I just asked for help in moving this and healing what is coming up and I felt it is denied Heart, All the dreams and ideas he had that weren’t aligned with Spirit were shot down as a no-go, worthless, useless or not important. This is the imprint I’m working on.
10:49 a.m. I just realized that I’ve been stalling and putting off finishing my book because I don’t want it destroyed. I feel that if I don’t put it out there, “they” can’t get at it and chew it up or do whatever they are planning to do to make sure that it doesn’t survive. That was a real strong emotion that brought tears to my eyes.