Post 124 Another Insight – Program and beliefs. Rejection and not being good enough

Joining Tribes has brought up two issues for me. The first one was of being rejected and also having what I was expressing rejected. Then the next issue is where the form of what I am say is being rejected, that I'm not saying it in the "right" way.

Similar to the first activation, I was confused by what was happening and I was also trying to understand where it was all coming form. I allowed myself to feel, (because that's the only way I can get understanding) what was coming at me and allowed myself take it personally to recognize that what (I) was saying was not rejected, but how (I) was saying it was not right and in that, both what I said and my presentation were being rejected. I kept looking and feeling for what was wrong with (I)….What was this experience reflecting to me… or…. what was this experience trying to show me? It took a while but I finally got it.

In both cases it didn't really matter what they were saying as under it all, I felt that most of these people were unloving, as criticism is not loving and no matter which way I would have said it, they were not going to accept what I said unless I denied my truth and "sugar coated" it.. So simple, but to see that I needed this experience to activate me so that I could clear the old charge and the imprints, programs and beliefs that I'm holding and that are also holding me back and stopping me.

This is, or, I rather feel, was an issue of mine, a fear that I needed to experience in order to heal it. And to to do that, I needed to not fight, run or give up, but simply speak and be my truth until I could move the old charge and gain understanding. This is not a "new" experience for me but is just another "level of healing" on this issue that is now clearing out old imprints, programs and beliefs that no longer serve me.

It's all about criticism which is what I have lived with all my life, right from the get go. I was never good enough, what I said or did either wan't good enough or it wasn't done or said in the "right" way. If it wasn't what I said or did, then it was what I didn't say or, but should have or could have… It's a program I've been living with all my life that has created low self-worth, low self-esteem and gave me little or no self-love.

It's a program that created "doubt" and in instead of giving myself the benefit of the doubt, I gave it to others and denied expressing my REAL feelings and emotions, and my intuition. In accepting doubt as truth, I also accepted denial and I also created a fear of expressing myself. I denied them (these aspects of me) and I turned myself into a "people pleaser" and a "mind reader" trying to figure out what people wanted or what they wanted of me and I spent my life being "nice" kind" and "loving"… feeling that I was somehow responsible for how people felt or said they felt. It's a program that has been limiting me from being who and what I really am.

It's also part and parcel of what has been holding me back from getting my books out to the public… Fear of criticism. What people will think or say? Because if they are critical.. they are not going to be happy little campers, but cold hearted sweet talking killers that will be attacking me.

Every person has a choice…
If people don't like broccoli, they don't eat it,
If people don't like Opera, they don't listen to it.
If people don't like the soaps or sports on TV, they don't watch them.
If people don't like to read romantic western novels, they don't read it..

If people don't like what I write, say or do or how I write, do or say things, then they have a choice.. DON"T read, listen or watch what I am writing, saying or doing… This is not different than the other choices I listed. Did you notice that the word Choice has an (I) in it… and not a (U) …

I'm not over-powering or being brutal with your "Free Will". You all are over 18 years of age and you have the choice to do whatever you want to do, as do I in expressing my truth. If you don't like my posts.. don't read them.. My picture is beside my posts so it's not hard to spot my posts… Also, don't ask me questions if you are afraid of how I will respond. If you do read or ask, and you are activated, that is your issue, not mine. The choice is YOURS to do what makes you happy.. not mine to please you by changing myself…

John
"Healing begins in the heart"

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