Post 153 Shock and Projection

’07 Aug 29 Ever since Post 151, I’ve been activated into shock, doubt and confusion and then into projection of all the things that could happen based on the fears and judgments of similar experiences in my past. Shock is what triggered or activated my Minds old imprints, programs and beliefs associated with my original experiences, along with false feelings and emotions that just want to find some quick way out of having to deal with it, in other words, avoidance and denial. I’m still not in the present moment when it comes to being in a personal, intimate relationship as I’ve been too busy doing “other” things. I also feel that I couldn’t have done what I have done if I was in a relationship with all the “other” stuff going on, but that now, it’s another story and it’s right time.

Even though both rear transmission seals have been replaced, my truck is still leaking oil. I can’t afford to spend money on it and at the same time, it’s getting old (1991 Nissan) so I don’t want to spend a lot of money as it’s not worth it, yet if it wasn’t for this leak, I wouldn’t hesitate taking it across Canada again.

So, is my truck reflecting my loss of freedom on my outside reality that is actually a loss of freedom on the inside? Am I not allowing a part of me to move as it would like to and if so, what part of me feels that it has no freedom to move. Is it my Body that I’m not allowing to move as it would like to?


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