I’m feeling a deep sense of heartbreak of being utterly alone. I’m surrounded by all these people yet no one really sees, hears or feels me. A part of me feels what’s the use? Why do all this stuff if no one is even in the slightest way interested.
I feel lost, not only feel… I am lost. I desire to create a New World but I don’t know how to do it. I want to share it with others, but others couldn’t care less. So why am I even trying to do all this if I don't even know how to do it? Am I just a fool with a dream?
Within this feeling of being alone, I also feel I’m in this totally wasted, no-mans land. A place where I’m not sure what I really where I am or where I'm going, what I want, and I wouldn't have a clue even if I found what I was looking for, or to even recognize the ability to manifest what I desire, if it jumped out in front of me. And then I also feel trapped in this world of denial where everyone seems to be oblivious to what even denial is. Humm, If I didn't have any denials, then I wouldn't be experiencing what I am now.
I feel like I'm the captain of a sinking ship telling the passengers and crew to get off but they just ignore what I'm saying and keep doing what they were. At the same time, I’m also lost and confused and I don’t even know how to get off the ship myself as I have no idea what a "life" boat is or even how to build one.
I feel like everything is at a stand still. I want to heal my body and my Chakras and I feel that I need to go back out West, but I can’t afford to fix my truck or even the gas at $1.00/litre to get out there. I also have insurance and truck license fees coming up. I don’t have a job so I don’t have the money to do what I feel I need to do. I feel blocked, pressured and frustrated.
Besides all these external issues and blocks, there is also all the internal issues and the question of my body’s health and my fear of dying. (Post 141) I know that my internal denied issues are creating my external experiences, but when you are being activated by your imprints, programs and beliefs, it's hard to think and feel past what they are saying. I feel that all my imprints, programs and beliefs are stopping me and are hitting me all at once. Trouble is that I don’t even know what they are except that my judgments and issues are part of them.
Humm. I was just thinking of judgments and how I can’t release judgments…… I release the judgment that I can’t release judgments. This is big issue and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.