’07 Oct. 11 6:21 am I feel that God has forsaken me. I don’t use my truck that much and it’s going to cost me money to get it fixed, so that I can go back out West. I don’t feel supported, yet at the same time I’ve known that something was wrong as my gas mileage has been steadily going down.
I was thinking of the money it’s going to cost me to get the truck fixed up I came up with a ratio of 10:1, meaning that I have to work 10 hours, to pay for 1 hour of shop time and that’s not counting parts.. That sucks !!!!!!!!!! I’m angry and I just want to rage and tear things apart, but the next moment, I feel heartbroken and I wasn’t to cry.
I know that this is another activation into false feelings and emotions, and imprints, but I can’t seem to figure out what is really going on. I’ve been dealing… hummmm? Dealing….. not healing….. with this for a long time. While my initial thoughts and feelings tell me that it’s about the truck and freedom, I know that there is more to it , but just what the “it” is, is a mystery. The feelings come and go so quickly and then I just go blank.
8:30 am I feel that the truck represents my external freedom and my issues with being restricted and controlled. I was thinking of my Body and how when it’s sick or injured, I (My Spirit – Mind) also feel a loss of freedom, in that I can’t do what I want to do. I feel this is a Spirit (Mind) issue and that the truck is a mirror reflection of the internal and real problem, but what is it? So what is the real imprint, program and belief that is in my unconscious mind that is creating this reality?
8:41 am Speed….. Freedom … movenent… not being reistricted…. Spirit (Mind) is light and its thoughts and ideas are instantaneous and it can change and move as it wants…… while it is in the Spiritual realm or within it’s own consciousness.
The trouble is that when Spirit (Mind) needs experience its thoughts or ideas, it needs to do so in a physical manifestation or form. For me right now, it’s a physical Body that I judge, has limitations as it has to grow up in order to do many of the things that Spirit(Mind) desires to experience and then mind also experiences form as being limited and controlled in the outside reality.
I feel that it’s a real struggle for Spirit to remain in the physical, especially when things go wrong and not as planned. So now the question is why? Why also, do some people have less of a struggle than others? First thing I got was Will (feeling and emotions) Presence. If you didn’t have to deal with your feelings and emotions about things that didn’t feel good, things would be a whole lot better and freer. I just went blank.
9:22 am How can the Mind go within itself to a time before it existed and had consciousness to become aware of what imprinted it when it did become conscious, but now, has no memory of the imprinting or related experience… (Scratching my head). I remember reading something in R.U.O.W that the Mind has to allow the Will to take it back to before it was.. I'll have to try and find that part and re-read it…
9:38 am I just felt waves of heartbreak wash over me, but before I could latch on to them, they were gone. I also feel that this is tied into lost hopes, dreams and desires
11:07 am I feel like a Zombie, not really thinking or doing anything, but time is slipping by.