Nov 13 Tuesday 11:00 am I’m thinking of my doctors appointment at 2:00 pm and I’m aware of my thoughts of denial, that I’m not sick, that the tissue that was removed is not cancerous, That I’m OK. That nothing is wrong. Next there is the feeling of heartbreak. What if I have cancer like my brother and sister? What if my days are limited and that I’m going to die. Then there is anger and rage of why? It’s not fair. What’s the point of life if you are just going to die?
I feel that change and growth of our body are part of living, but not death of the body. The cells in our body form and grow and when they have completed their cycle, for lack of a better word, they are either repaired or replaced by new cells. Our hair, nails and skin are in a constant state of change, growth and renewal. They are part of our body that constantly changes and maintains itself and I feel that our whole body can do that too.
I can’t describe what I was feeling or how to put it into words other than that aging and death are not natural. I feel that physical aging is a choice as to where one feels comfortable and happy with their physical body, its appearance and it’s abilities.
I also feel that we have lost the magic and the ability to maintain and transform our bodies and to also shapeshift our bodies to also experience other life forms, other bodies. I feel that we, as humanity, have devolved in that we have split off, fragmented and lost so much of our true essence that we are now only a small part of what we were.
While we may have the mental and technical knowledge that creates the illusion of evolution, we have been loosing more of our essence in the process of evolving. What happens to our physical body with aging and illness is similar to what we have done to our Spiritual body and with every death and reincarnation we lose more and more of our Spiritual essence.
3:00 pm I saw the doctor at 2:00 pm. I was waiting in a small room looking at some wall charts when he walked in. As I was turning around he said something that I didn’t catch and then he smiled and said that it‘s nothing, it’s not cancer. I couldn’t make it out what he had said it was, partly because of his accent and because he was talking softly. I asked him what it was and he repeated the word that sounded like melma and that it was harmless. I felt a calm sense of relief sweep over me.
It took him less than five minutes to take the stitches out and I was in and out of his office in less than ten minutes.
Later I checked the internet and I think he said it was a form of Melasma and that it’s harmless. I’ll find out for sure when I see my GP (General Practitioner) again.
While I have a sense of relief that this part is over and also that my prostrate seemed OK when I had my physical, I still have to wait and see the doctor for a report on the blood and sample work and that’s not for another three weeks.