'07 Dec 11 9:17 am I was thinking of Louise Hay’s book (Post 220) and the comment that the cause for Hypothyroidism was a “giving up and a feeling hopelessly.” I not only have fear, but also a feeling of hopelessness when it comes to manifesting what I dream of and desire. This morning as I awoke, I was having a dream of my past desires in this life time. It was a composite of all the companies that I had formed and owned. I realized that in this "dream" I was still sacrificing myself so that "others" that worked with me, would benefit and have their dream through my dream. I was working to give others what they desired, but I failed to realize that what I had created and was believing was an illusion, that this was what I desired, yet I had all the responsibilities and it was me that was working 12 – 18 hours a day, six days a week and a half day on Sunday just to maintain the dream and make others happy. I was giving others what I couldn’t give myself. I had no true freedom or joy. Yes, I could "take off" a couple of hours here and there, but I wasn't really free in that I could walk away and still live my dream. It’s like being on an island, and unable to explore the rest of the world.
Hummm. That's what my present job is also showing me as I've commented several times to the owner that she reminds me of me, in that she is the company, the business and that she is the only one that knows and can do whatever it is that needs to be done and that without her, there is no business. She also has a control issue in that she doesn't want anyone to take over her position as it's her business, her dream and desire. She is going on holidays at the end of January for one week and is closing the business for that time.
9:34 am Instead of "living" my dream, my desire, I still believe that I have to work at it, create it and then experience it, and that's not being in the moment. That's projection, and behind the projection is CONTROL and EXPECTATION and that's not LOVE. Another issue I have is a denied fear of failure. That I tried and failed to live my dream and this fear is not only being brought up in the present moment, but is also being projected into the future.
There is also denied fear in that this dream has to be perfect and in trying to be perfect, there is no room for growth, development and change. Control doesn't want change. There is also this desire to just skip all the growth and development, "the journey" and just suddenly be and experience the "perfect" moment. But that would also be boring as nothing would change and there wouldn’t be any other experiences just that one perfect moment that would last for eternity…. Yuk! While at first it all sounds nice, it also means that our consciousness is static and numb, that it’s unaware of anything except being in its state of suspended state of bliss.
10:41 am Another program I have is that I either have to maintain what I have (fear of loss) or if I see that it is working, that I then have the desire to expand my empire (expectation) so that more can experience it , so that (in denial) I can also be in CONTROL of more and better.
All this experience is in the material world, the physical plane and that's not wrong: what is wrong is that it's all based on MONEY or having money to make more money so that you don’t have to work so that you can live your dream and desire… The power base is all wrong, as Love is the power, not MONEY, but that's not how most people see it, as they see and believe, like I still do on some level…. that it's the other way around. and that we need to make or manifest money if we are to be happy and have what we desire.. This is an imprint, program and belief that I want remove from my consciousness, by healing the source of how I got that imprint, program and belief.