’07 Dec 27 My head was still pounding and I was a trying to “feel” into my headache. I was paying attention to all the things that I was thinking of that have been hounding me the past three days but was too sick to really concentrate and try to figure it out. As I lay there observing my thoughts, I began to see a pattern emerge. I saw that it was like I trying to arrange another persons 100 page website that had paragraphs, part sentences and pictures, scattered helter-skelter though out the site. I had no idea what was what, or where anything should go. I realized that my mind had been trying to organize another’s ideas and confusion and that it was an impossible task. When I finally realized what I had been trying to do, I simply said, “Stop this nonsense, delete these files, delete these folders, delete this program and then empty the recycle bin.” When it was done, my mind was clear and all the useless junk that had been driving me crazy for three days was gone.
I’ve been sick in bed for the past three days and all that I’ve eaten was that half a bowl of potato soup, a piece of toast and then a half bowl of a canned vegetable soup yesterday. This afternoon I began to get my appetite back as I had a craving for mashed potatoes and creamed corn so that’s what I made for supper along with a very small piece of ham. It was nice to finally have a small meal and one that I felt good after eating. I feel I’m becoming more aware of what my body wants and needs and not on what my mind and its habits say I should eat.
When I went down for supper, Marian mentioned that for the past few days, she’s noticed that every time I come downstairs, that there’s always a cool sweet smelling presence that seems to follow me. She said that it didn’t feel evil like some of the others that she has sensed around, and that it was more like a cool fresh summer meadow breeze. I tried to smell and sense the presence but I was still feeling a lot of pain. I later got that she is associated with the Divine Mother, the feminine, or Will energy and that her name was Sophia.