08 Jan 13 I was chatting with a friend late Sunday night and we were talking about me being in a fog and he said that Lucifer had me in this space or rather, that I had me in this space as I was giving Lucifer my power that enabled him to appear to have the power over me and to keep in this fog, feeling helpless and powerless. He also said that I was not communicating with or allowing my Will (intuition, feelings and emotions) freedom on the astral plane and that was how Lucifer was able to control me through me denials and that I have this heartlessness within me that needs to move out in order that my real Heart light can shine. Being in a mental fog, I wasn’t really able to grasp what he was saying, but I made it my intent to find out.
’08 Jan 14 Monday, I was chatting with another friend this morning and the topic of the astral plane came up. She said that I was in denial of my fears of beings on the astral plane. She told me that she had witnessed my fear (terror) whenever she saw me on the astral plane being confronted by unloving beings. I was puzzled as I’m not consciously afraid of unloving entities, even Lucifer, when I feel their presence around me physically, so why would I be afraid of them on the astral plane? I don’t see them on the physical plane, but I do feel, smell and hear or know what they are saying or thinking. I’ve done journeys in the astral plane, but now that I think of it, they were when I was in a meditation and was being guided and controlled by another person where I felt safe.
As we talked, I flashed back to my childhood and seeing demons coming after me. I remember telling my mother and she told me it was just a dream and not real, but that explanation was no comfort. I also remember vivid dreams of other places, and in some of them, I also saw these demons.
I also flashed back to my premonitions and visions, of seeing, hearing and knowing what was going to happen. I kept it to myself as I was told, and ignorantly believed, that if I see evil, that I must also be evil, as good, God fearing people don’t see the evil I see. I denied for years, but I finally told my mother all that was going on with me and to “prove” what I was seeing and hearing was the truth; I gave her a detailed example of what was going to happen in our home within five minutes.
Sure enough, five minutes later, all that I said came true, to the letter and word. She shrieked at me and called me evil and said that what I was doing was the “work of the devil.” She even threatened to take me to the church to have them exorcise me. I was shocked and I believed what she and the Church said, and so I swore that I’d never to do that again, and even I asked that this “curse” be taken from me and given to the devil.
Wow! As I typed that last part for this blog, I felt that that is how Lucifer has had power over me, not only in the astral, but also with my third eye and my visions.
On my friends suggestion I then listed the beliefs I had concerning the astral plane.
1) Evil can destroy me.
2) That if I see and hear evil that I am evil and I’m one of them.
3) If I journey out into the astral plane and see things, even if they are not evil, then I’m still evil and doing the work of the devil.
4) I don’t want to be, what I believe is true.
5) I don’t feel SAFE in the astral plane. I don’t feel that I can go out there and get back safely because evil will attack me.
6) I don’t want to go into the astral plane unless I have a guarantee, or someone is with me, to ensure that my silver chord wouldn’t get cut and that the transition will be smooth.
Next were my issues or what I consider my weaknesses regarding the astral plane, and they are;
1) Not feeling safe
2) Not being in control
3) There’s no room for mistakes
4) I have to be perfect.
We ended our conversation, but I continued processing the information. Hummm. Now to heal this, I have to do the opposite of what my mental programs and beliefs say I should or have to do to be strong and that is, I need to allow myself to be not strong and be in what I consider a “not safe” situation (the astral plane) so that I can be activated. Once I’m mentally aware of my activation, I can then choose accept my Will (intuition, feelings and emotions) and release the denied emotions that are surfacing along with the old imprints, programs and beliefs that have been suppressing them. Only in feeling what I don’t want to feel, and in allowing my Will to express itself, can I free my Will and heal my issues with evil and the astral plane, and take my power and gifts back.
I’m making it my intent to travel to the astral plane tonight to expereicne whatever I need in order to heal this.