‘08 Feb 18 Last night, while I was talking with a friend about my truck, I got that I was still trying to “save” it (representing my old world) by hanging on to what I THINK I need, in order to live and to help others.
My truck is an example of how I’m still trying to save my world, or a large part of it. It is my sense of freedom, of power, control and of course, my “worldly possessions.” So loosing it and “starting over” with basically nothing is totally foreign to me as all the reasons as to why I NEED my truck over-power all the thoughts and ideas as to why I don’t need it.. It’s an attachment… an attachment to “possessions” and a fear of lack.
It’s the attachments and hanging on to all the things that I feel I need in order to live. It’s being controlled by my imprints, programs and beliefs and as I don’t know, or remember any other way, I feel lost as to what direction I’m going in, or need to go in.
It’s like suddenly, the whole world that I thought was important, is no longer important. But what is important? I don’t know, as I don’t know what is going to take its place. I just felt a brief flicker of heartbreak, but I not sure what it was about. The first thing that comes to mind is past lives and lost hopes, dreams and desires based on the old world, all be it denial based, again, it’s all I’ve ever known.