’08 Sept 20 5:55 am I was thinking if Diane and what she was reflecting to me and I can see how she and I are afraid and in denial of being who we really are, as we’re both being controlled by our imprints, programs and beliefs. Although we are working from opposite ends, she, wanting to change society, the outer reality, while I’m wanting to change and heal myself, that will then reflect changes in my outer reality. We both want change, but we’re also afraid of change. Change? Hummm That’s interesting as the word “change” is the motto of the federal political parties as well as it’s being touted in the US presidential elections.
So if I can see all this power, desire and passion in Diane that she is denying, then I must also have and be doing the same thing. Hummm? So what am I afraid of? Why don’t I want to change? My first feeling/though was that I would have a lot of eyes focused on me (good and bad) watching my every move to see if I make a mistake, if I can succeed, to do what others can’t. Hummm. That’s not others expectations, but those are my expectations and projections on myself…….
I just went blank………………………….
6:19 am Afraid of failure… There is expectation and also shame that if I go public (which is a change from what I am doing) that I’ll fail and not meet my expectations and projections. Humm? The expectation also has a denial issue of power and control. If I succeed, I’ll have more power and control, and if I fail, I’ll have not only less power and control, but the added shame of having exposed myself and my weaknesses and then in having to live with that again. So instead of “risking” the change of the unknown, I’m trying to deny and avoid the real issue.
So what’s my real issue? I wouldn’t be having this coming up if I didn’t already have an issue, as why would I be afraid of something that I’ve never experienced, and why would I have expectations and a fear of failure, if I never experienced it before. So what’s the past issue?
The first thought that came up was my battle as the white wizard against the dark wizard and the form change challenge and loosing.. Hummm? As I wrote that I flashed to the war in the heavens and the battle with Lucifer…… but that didn’t really involve dense physical matter. Hummm. Even just admitting that I was the White Wizard that lost a challenge to Lucifer brings up the fears and the issues I mentioned as now I’m exposing myself and what will people think of me. (R.U.O.W. Book 1 Page 78 – )
So why was the white wizard afraid to change into dense physical matter, ie stone? Was it about a lack of vibration, or lowering ones vibration? Hummm? Lower vibration: denial also lowers vibration and denses up physical matter as that is what Lucifer had to do if he was to stay on Earth along with Rage.
Denial is the artificial way to lower ones vibration and to dense up matter and if Lucifer is the master of form change, he has no fear of densing up or of not vibrating. I just flashed to the black holes in space and how dense they are and how they are sucking in anything that comes near them. Anti-verse a universe that isn’t expanding, but one that is going in the opposite direction, contracting and compressing itself, as that is what it desires, to not move, to not feel, to not express anything but to experience a thoughtless form of bliss and revere as that “feels good.”
Hummm. This is going back to original cause! This is Lucifer’s and rage’s imprint and source of power, not that “it’s” the source of power, but denial, created by loving essence gives him the power.
Humm? It’s ironic, that through denial, Lucifer gets the power to move, yet movement is not what he and rage desire as they want the opposite and so they have been pissed off and battling the Will (that moved) ever since they were unintentionally fragmented out of God. They want change, but the change they want is total control, and for things not to change or move. While on a deeper level, I want the opposite, things to change and move, yet I’m afraid to move.
OK, so then, original cause, original sin, original denial was what resulted in the imprints and programs that were created when Lucifer was repelled by the Will after he struck her and returned and struck God (mind) also imprinting God.
Ahhh! Denied expectations and then failure are created here, as both Rage and Lucifer failed to STOP the Will from moving. So that’s where the original expectation and failure comes, it begins at the very beginnings of existence. So as the White Wizard, these were already imprinted and programmed into me although they were not recognized as such but were, and are present in the unseen role for denial that have their roots in original cause.
OK… So if I didn’t know, that means that Lucifer did know, as either one or the other had to know by way of default, and he was created out of loving consciousness that was in denial, that fragmented, and went out on a wave of hatred and non-acceptance to try to stop the Will. So if God himself was not aware, by way of the unseen role of denial, then Lucifer and Rage are aware and they know how hate and no love works, and how being in control and allowing no movement in love essence works at empowering them to live, whereas God didn’t know, as he was unaware of what had been created by the unseen role of denial that that resulted in fragmentation.