’08 Oct 06 Monday; When I was talking to a friend of mine last Friday, she asked me about my children and specifically included my lost son. By lost, I mean a son I have never known. I made an attempt to find him a few times, but was frustrated with the social system and the not so-merry-go-round that I went though when I was using the telephone and either getting no answer or an answering machine. If I did get through, I’d get passed off to another department and a dead end. A couple of years ago I tried the internet, but that was unsuccessful also.
This time I used the internet again to found some phone numbers, and then using Skype, I began to make my calls. It was a early Friday afternoon but it seemed that everyone I called was out or busy that afternoon. I choose one answering machine to leave a message, and today I got a call back, and amazingly, I had reached the right person. She is sending me out some form to fill out to start the process.
While it’s no secret to my immediate family that I fathered a child before I got married, it was never really discussed with my family out West, as I left soon after her parents forbad me to see her, and had her shipped off to another city to have the child, (a boy I was later told) that was subsequently given up for adoption. In 1966, I had been talking a home study course in electronics with DeVry tech, and when all this happened, I was confused, and filled with guilt and shame. and decided to move East to enroll in DeVry Tech. I planned to make electronics my career, which I did until 1984.
I sold my car, packed a couple of suitcases, and took a two day train ride into the unknown. I didn’t know anyone, but the school found me a place where I could room and board. It was a traumatic time for me, and one that I need to heal as that was the only time in my life that I ever felt like committing suicide. As I was typing this for my blog, I flashed to a couple of Beatles songs that were especially meaningful for me during that time. They were,
Embed – Yesterday
and “You got to hide your love away”
Embed – Hide your love away