’08 Nov 16 4:50 am Hummm? I was just thinking that I have border line “high” blood pressure and so what does that mean? Blood represents life, the life force and so my body is being pressured, or is under constant pressure.. Humm? Can this constant pressure be associated with sex and eating. Can they all be tied together with the feeling stress, anxiety, doubt and confusion and the unknown, even when I’m not consciously aware of it? By that I mean, that I’m running on imprints, programs and beliefs that are affecting my Body and life and I’m not even aware that they exist… 4:58 am…
5:02 am So now with Marian, I know and I can fell when she’s pressuring me to do something for her as I can feel it the moment that she is saying it. With her, it’s not about planning or remembering to do something later, but it’s got to be done right now, in this very moment. She’s and has been that way with everything, the house, dog, clothes, food, etc. when she thinks of it, she wants it and she wants it NOW…. There is no talking to her, as her mind is made up.
Yesterday she said that she had a damaged baby mattress in the car that she had picked up from Janice that she wanted me throw in the dumpster as it was too heavy for her. She also said that there was a bag of garbage that she had collected from the garage that she also wanted to be taken to the dumpster. I told her I’d take them later, as I was presently in the middle or working on editing my books for my website. I came downstairs around 3:00 pm to take the stuff to the dumpster and she informed me that she had already done it. I asked her how she lifted it as she had earlier said that it was too heavy for her. She smugly said that it wasn’t a problem. What I didn’t say at the time, as I didn’t think of it in the moment, as I was making my way back upstairs, was that if it wasn’t a problem and something that she could do, then why ask me to help? When I thought of it I also felt my denied Will rage wanting to go back downstairs to attack and take a piece out of her for the game she was playing with me.
I don’t know how I can heal this in the present moment, but I’m sure that things will come to a head in order for it to be healed. I also feel that this relates to any other activity that is used as a diversion when activated into pour imprints and issues.