’09 Jan 14 10:22 am
* Being responsible
* Being held responsible
* Taking responsibility
This morning I got the insight from the other end of the “responsibility” issue, that of my “taking” responsibility. Because I know and can do things others can’t and I see them struggle, I have stepped in and “taken” responsibility for them, trying to help them by doing it for them, when in reality, what I’m really doing for them is a disservice. By taking responsibility and doing it for them, I’m in effect, lifting them out of what they need to experience. There’s also a fine line when taking what is considered heart felt action and helping others help themselves, and leaving it to them to deal with the consequences of their actions that created their experience, because even when helping others help themselves, one needs to be aware if helping or showing them, is really what you want to do, and if not, then doing it would be in denial of your Will. This is really tricky as indifference and heartlessness can easily slip in.
In the issues with Marian, none of the things that need to be fixed or attended to are my responsibility. She bought the house. She wanted gas heat and the electric baseboard heaters removed. She hired and paid the contractors to do what she wanted. All the mess that is left are the consequences of her actions and her responsibility, not mine. The same holds true with the dog, it’s her dog, she wanted it and she needs to take the responsibility for looking after it.
While I have the knowledge and ability to do all the repairs and painting work and even look after the dog, none of these “tasks” were, or are in this moment, my desire, choice, or responsibility. Marian has been trying to get me to volunteer and take on the responsibility to help her, and when I didn’t offer my services, she even tried using guilt to get me to do the work she needs done. All of this is really a reflection of my old imprints, programs and beliefs that would have me believe that I am responsible for other peoples happiness, and that I need to “be” and “take” responsibility when other people (especially family) need help. This form of responsibility is really another form of self-sacrifice. While I’ve been able to release some of my “responsibility” attachments to other people, family is one that I need to work on now.
I feel that this is just the tip of the iceberg of this level of GUILT, and the imprints, programs and beliefs that I have that are not only weighing me down, but humanity as well.