September 7 3:16 a.m. I can’t remember it all, but what I do remember is that they were male and female aspects of a Yin- Yang symbol that were changing colors and moving from solid form to a fluid form, like mercury. As I woke up I was feeling that what I’ve been experiencing these past few months is the approach of death, or the gradual preparation for death. Everything about my being, my mind, emotions and body are slowing down and I feel that there is less and less energy available to maintain my being.
In the process the body is feeling exhausted and aches and pains are felt in my muscles and joints. The body is physically slowing down and unable to do what it did before, not only what it did in my youth, but also unable to do what it did a few months ago. It’s like gradually, but also suddenly, your world has become smaller as you now do less and less and your mind is caught up doing small mundane things that seem important at the time but are really a veiled attempt to deny what it is recognizing and feeling, and that is that it is now in the final stages of a slow death.
While I feel all this I also feel that I’m slowly being reborn from the inside out, that part of the aches and pains and feeling is my body adjusting to a new energy. It’s hard to describe as I’m in contact with both the dying sensations and also the quickening, the stirring of life whose time has not yet come as there is more to experience of this loss of consciousness, of death before this new life can spring forward. 3:35 a.m.