’09 Dec. 20 8:31 am (Referring to Post 571 Kidney Infection) I just realized what I’m pissed off at, I'm angry at my body. My body has failed to perform in the way I expect it to, the way it has been doing. In past years, my bodies energy level has been for the most part above the baseline in the drawing, but this year it’s been below the line with only a few times where my body and energy level have been above the line, where I have felt good and had the energy to do what I want that includes exercise, walking, biking etc..
Added to the problems of a depleted energy level, I also have had issues with my teeth and eyes and the frustration that I can’t do what I used to do, knowing that my body is failing, (GOFA – Getting Old Falling Apart) and I feel powerless to do anything about it.
Another thing that I’m pissed off at is that because I don’t feel good and healthy, I feel mentally off, sluggish, and lethargic. I find it difficult to concentrate on editing my books. Because my body doesn’t have the energy I can only focus for our short time before I feel exhausted and need to take a break. When I get back to my book, I have to go back and collect my thoughts and it’s like one step forward and two steps back. So in denial, because I don’t want to feel frustrated, I’ve been doing other little things that are not important but are ones that I can complete and feel good about.