Post 590 Marian – Surgery update and old issues surfacing

Marian had her operation on Jan. 17 and she had to stay in the hospital for three days, because as she found out later, she went into shock during the operation. They not only operated on her broken arm, but they also operated on her shoulder rotator cup that she had surgery on several years before. While she doesn’t have a cast, her arm is now supported in a better sling.

She’s beginning to feel better and starting to move her arm a little, and while that is good news, it’s also bad as now she wants to do what she did before and as she can’t do it, it’s me that she comes to. I don’t mind doing the necessities, like taking her to physiotherapy, seeing the doctor, or getting prescriptions and food, and helping her around the house with things she needs help with, but now it’s taking her out to get her hair done, or her fingernails, or her toe nails, or the dog needs to be groomed, etc.. I’ve stopped having to care for her dog, as now she is able to feed it and let it out…

Things are coming up (issues) that also relate to our past marriage in that she wants to be in control, and that things have to be done her way, when she wants it. As an example, a few days ago I mentioned to her that Toyota (she just leased a new Toyota) was issuing a re-call because of some gas pedal issue. She paid no mind to what I said, but when she read it in the newspaper while at the hospital waiting for her appointment it suddenly became an emergency and had to be done. She called me on her cell phone and told me that she had called the dealer and they said they would have a look at it, if I took it in right now. She expected me to drop what I was doing and take care of the car, even though we had been using it without a problem. I told her that I was not going to do it and that it would have to wait.

It was also interesting as she then tried to use guilt on me to take the car in to get looked at. Our daughter had asked Marian last week if she could borrow the car for the weekend. When I told her about the Toyota recall, she didn’t consider the car unsafe for our daughter, but when she read it in the newspaper, then right away, she needed to get it fixed so that our daughter would be safe. When we were married, I was her go-for as I would jump to try to please and keep her happy, but those days are long gone.

JR

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