2010 Mar 03 I’m getting frustrated with having to drive Marian around as I can’t do what I want to do. I have to break up my day to look after Marian’s needs. Yesterday I had to take her to her homeopath at 10 a.m. and pick her up at 11 a.m.. Then I had to take her to work at 1 p.m. and later at 3:00 pm, I had to take her car into the Toyota dealer to get the recall done and then I had to fill up with gas. At 4 p.m. I had to pick her up, and then take her to the drug store and wait until she got her a prescription filled.
Today when I was taking Marian to her physiotherapist appointment, I noticed that she didn’t have her arm in a sling, and I remembered that she didn’t have it in the sling the last couple of times when she went to see her physiotherapist, yet I hardly ever see her walk around the house without it. When I stated my observation, she denied, saying that she only wears the sling in the house when her arm hurts, and at night when she goes to bed. I told her that I was getting frustrated as I can’t live my life. She stated that it’s no picnic for her either.
After I picked her up from her physiotherapy, she said that the therapist said that she might be able to drive her car in a couple of weeks. Later, when we got into the house, she made a statement about driving her car and that she does her exercises two times a day. I said, “What? Only two times a day! That’s crazy! You’re only doing a couple of one minute exercises, two times a day. That’s only four minutes of exercise a day and you think that you are going to be able to shift gears and steer without a problem? Give your head a shake!”
I knew the exercises she was doing as the other day she showed me what her physiotherapist was having her do. One exercise was with a cane in using her good arm to help push her injured arm out from the side of her body, and the second part was lifting the cane with both arms up in front of her body. The second exercise was a set of eight callisthenic exercises each with a three second duration, which makes a total of 24 seconds. I stated that if that’s all you’re doing. You are not going to be able to drive your car, as shifting gears four times will be the limit that you are physically able to do. She exclaimed, “You just don’t understand!” I said that either she is not listening to her physiotherapist, or physiotherapist is a complete idiot.
Later, when it was getting near the time to take her to work, I heard the front door close. I looked out the window to see her getting into the car. I went out and asked her what she was trying to do, and she said that she was going to work. I said you don’t get it do you? You hardly do any exercise, and most of the time your arm is in the sling because you are in pain, yet now you want to drive to work and in the process even hurt yourself more. She said that she was just tired of hearing me complain, so she was going to drive herself. I told her that I would continue to drive her until the end of the month, but after that, she would have to make other arrangements.
So, what are my issue?
1) How do I help someone that doesn’t know how to help themselves?
2) Why am I trying to help another to think, when they can’t, or don’t want to?
3) Why am I trying to “save” another?
4) Am I still trying to save another who I feel is hurt and unable to help themselves?
5) This issue is also related to our defunct marriage. Hummm. Taking responsibility.
6) Goes back to my childhood… being the eldest and being responsible for my siblings.
7) So this is an imprint, program and belief that I need to release.
8) Ahhh! Also guilt and shame as if I didn’t, then I was bad, no good, and unloved.