Post 633 Asking and Telling

2010 April 22 Marian and I were sitting at the dining room table, having a cup of tea and a snack at noon. She was saying that she was going out for dinner with the people from work, and stated that she wished a couple of women would stop their fighting. She then went on to describe their latest altercation where one woman had taken some kitchen linen home to be washed and had brought them back, and then asked another woman to put them away for her. The other woman said, "You are not my boss, and I don’t take orders from you," and that started the fight.

Marian stated that the second woman has an attitude problem as the woman never told her to do it, she only asked her to do it.

I replied, "If the woman was bringing the linen back, why didn't she just put it away herself, after all, she is the one that took it to be washed, it's her responsibility? And, if the woman only asking, then she should not be offended if the other woman says no. The first woman may have asked, but it was in the form of a command, just like when you ask me to do something for you, but are really telling me what to do. You expect me to do what you ask me to do and when I say no, you also accuse me of being the negative one, and of also having an attitude problem, or a bad attitude.”

She responded with note of sarcasm, “I’m used to your attitude as you have been that way since we were married.”

I said, “Yes, I had an attitude problem as I'd also complain, but back then, I always gave in and did what you asked/told me to do. Now, I have the same attitude, but I don’t fall into that trap anymore. I don’t have do things for you if I have others things to do, or I just don't want to do it. I don't have to be nice, kind, co-operative, compromising and all the other stuff it took to make you happy, as making you happy is not my job anymore.

That put an end to our conversation, as she left in a huff.


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