Post 636 If asking/telling doesn’t work… try Hinting.

Instead of ASKING/TELLING, Marian’s new tactic is now dropping and repeating little “hints,” in the hope that I’ll bite her baited hook and do what she wants me to do. She has an arsenal of tricks that she’s using to try to control and manipulate others, (including me) and doing it in a way that on the surface, looks like she’s being kind, caring, considerate, sincere and of loving intent. It may have worked in the past, but I’m seeing through her ruse now.

2010 May 09 Sunday, This morning at breakfast, Marian was dropping hints that Janice, our daughter, was looking for a sand box for Nyah, our granddaughter. Marian pointed to one she saw in the local newspaper that was on sale. She said that it had a lid and that they also sold sand by the bag. She also commented that she didn’t know how many bags of sand it would take, but that the sand cost $3.95 per bag. I didn’t bite.

So at lunch time, she went through the exact same spiel again. She wasn’t saying that she was going to buy it or that she needed help getting it over to our daughters place or in lifting the sand into and out of her car. No, this was a definite jab and HINT for me to offer to buy it. Although I love my granddaughter, I’m not going to play Marian’s game. I didn’t challenge her as I knew she would deny it anyway, and I also knew that the second time she tried to bait me, and I didn’t bite, she knew that I was on to her.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that I feel that she enjoys going to the Doctor, physiotherapist and massage therapist because it makes her feel good and she is getting the attention she craves. I think that is part of the reason for her slow recovery, in that she uses her crippled arm to get attention. When her therapist praises her work that day and says how good she is doing, she is happy. When the same therapist or others comment on how poorly she is doing, she is also happy. The negative comments of people feeling sorry for her, reinforces her beliefs that she is not doing as good as expected as she can’t do what she did before her accident and having others recognize that, makes her feel good. I still don’t see her doing any exercises at home or moving her arm in any way other that what is absolutely necessary, although she talks highly of what she did or didn’t do at her physiotherapist. It’s a twisted mentality that feeds on both the positive and negative comments, and as long as she has a captive audience it’s a win-win situation for her.


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