2010 Oct 24 I find it amazing how quick the Mind is to create a diversion when it comes to doing what it fears. It’s not that it fears what it needs to do, but rather fears what will happen when it has done what it has been fearing to do, when it has finished. It’s the fear of the unknown.
For me, it’s finishing the editing of Books 2 and 3 and then publishing them. I find dozens of things to do instead of just sitting down and finishing them. I know that I’ll be writing other books in the future, but I can’t start them until I finish…
Ahhh! I just heard my Mind say,
“What’s the use? Nobody is really reading them or benefiting from them, so why waste your time.”
As I wrote that, I realized that it’s NOT my Mind’s thought or voice that I heard, but rather another’s thought/voice that was placed into my Mind, pretending to be my Mind. How do I know that? It’s by the use of the word “your” in the message. My Mind would not have used the word your, as the word your suggests another person is involved. My Mind would have used mine or our. I would have totally missed that subtle nuance had I not been writing it down and then seen and caught what I was writing.
Realizing that also changed my thought process. So it’s really not about finishing that is my issue, but about starting, taking the first step that will begin the process, the journey that will follow its natural course to some form of completion or destination that is the real issue. It’s totally the opposite of what I originally thought it was when I began writing this in my journal. I’m not afraid to finish, I’m afraid to start.
As I’m typing this for my blog, I’m also feeling that starting is yet another version of the fear of the unknown as it involves change, and any change is always greeted with apprehension if there is any unknown element involved in the change. Like in the picture, one has the tools, (the crayons) to create a work of art or to do whatever, but until they are used, nothing is created. In order to create the Mind needs to be open to change, to move, and to use the crayons to start a drawing to express itself, instead of just holding them.
But, there is always the proverbial but. While it may sound simple, there are always the underlying issues that need to be addressed and healed, or any start will merely end up in doing the same old thing, just in a different form. And again, while start and starting seem to be the keyword and issue, they maybe only words that will lead to another piece of the puzzle.
This dyslexic brain will give reading your books another whirl. Uncertain if my focus will prove to digest any insight that may await me in your pages. Gave up last time due to frustration in my lack of focus ability.