Post 708 Feeling guilty and being in denial

2010 Oct 29 2010 Oct 29 This morning Marian was washing her clothes and cleaning up the upstairs. At lunchtime she talked about her having a cold and not feeling good and also that her back and neck were sore. She then asked me if I could wash the kitchen floor for her, using the new Thane H2O steamer that she recently bought. I knew she had a sore back as she was going to physiotherapy and the chiropractor for treatments so I felt sorry for her being in pain as I knew what that feels like as I’d been going through that in the past few weeks. Although I felt there was truth in her story, I denied expressing what I really felt, which was that she is in pain to do house work, but okay to do other things. Reluctantly, I gave into guilt that was pressuring me and said yes. No sooner did the words come out of my mouth than she began to clear the table and move the chairs, talking as if I was going to do it now. I told her that I said I would do it, but I didn’t say I was going to do it right now, and at that I went downstairs.

Around 3:00, I made my way upstairs with the dust mop/pan and the H20 steamer. After I had dry mopped the floor, she came out of her bedroom where she had been lying down, and began to show me how to use the steamer. I did the kitchen and landing floor, and I must say, I’m not impressed with the steamer, and would have to say that it’s a waste of money. It might work okay, if you used it on a new , or a clean floor, but she had been using the chemical Swiffer system in the past (also a WOTEAM a (Waste Of Time, Energy And Money) that left a residue on the floor, that needs to be removed. For me, nothing beats cleaning a linoleum floor like a good old hand towel and a bucket of soapy water, applied to the floor with a good measure of elbow grease followed up by a good rinse with clear water. But doing manual labor was never one of Marian’s virtues, and I don’t see her changing now. Even though it was not doing a good job, I was not about to spend an hour getting rid of old chemicals and embedded dirt in the floor, so I just did what she would have done.

After I finished, I put the stuff away and was back in my room, working on my computer when she yelled down that she was going out to do some shopping, and asked if I needed anything. I said no, and was going to comment, when I thought, this is the same pattern she used on me when we were married and no matter how many times I’d say it, nothing changed, so what’s the use, and again I denied expressing myself.

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