2010 Nov 03 7:45 am Although I am personally choosing to end my denials, I am still in denial, both consciously and unconsciously. The paradox and irony that surfaces is that when I choose to end my denials and have acceptance for the other parts of me, that in the process, I reject and deny another person. In ending my denials and doing what is loving to me, I appear to be a hypocrite, by denying and rejecting others. But when you really look and feel into it, what I’m doing is loving myself, while rejecting that which is unloving and trying to control me in some way, shape or form.
If I didn’t express my opposition to what I feel and consider is unloving and hateful (like what I was experiencing in my dream in my previous post) then I would be in denial. If I believed that I had to accept what others were saying or doing, even I felt it was unloving, then I would be in denial and unloving to myself. Like in the twisted religious belief of a self-sacrificing love that accepts any unloving abuse, believing that by accepting it, it can transform hate to love. Love can transform hate, but not by giving in to it, or by fighting it, but by being true to oneself. You don’t have to accept what is unloving just to prove that you are a loving person. That belief is the basic flaw in our social and religious beliefs and that is where the paradox and hypocrisy lies. When you are being real and true to yourself, you reject and deny accepting whatever feels unloving by expressing yourself, and in doing that, you turn it away. You not only turn it away from you, but you also turn it away from its source of food, of energy, (you) that it has been feeding on as it feeds on love energy in denial of itself. When this unloving essence has no more food to feed on, it will either change or cease to exist.
Unloving energy vampires do not have, nor are they seeking life, but rather, they feed off of other essence that has and is life, but denies it and their power. The intent of these energy vampires is to control, manipulate, use and if need be, kill any essence that is love and is seeking life. By accepting, and not rejecting any unlovingness that is attacking you and feeding off of you, you are, by your denials, creating your own death. You are not only receiving unloving energy from the outside that is being directed at you, but you are also (by your denials) giving your power/energy (essence) away and also sending your own unloving denial energy at the loving part of you that wants to express and reject the unloving energy that it is feeling.