Post 744 The cycle of self abuse and denial – SSDD

2010 Dec 23 10:00 a.m. Marian had an appointment to see her doctor this morning at 9:00 a.m. and I had told her that I would drive here there and pick her up after her appointment. Anyway, this morning she told me that she felt okay to drive herself to her appointment. She has doctors orders to take it easy, to not bend over or lift anything over 10 lbs., and to avoid any jarring to her body. She’s all concerned about her eye operation, telling me that she can’t bend down to put the dishes in the dishwasher, or to put things in the garbage, as that involves bending and wanting me to do it. I told her that she doesn’t have to bend over to do any of that, merely bend her knees, but of course she said that I just don’t understand or care. She came back around 11:30 a.m., telling me that she drove all over town looking for reading glasses and finally found a pair.

1:00 p.m. This afternoon she came downstairs to tell me that she was going out to see a friend. I told her to give her head a shake. You have just had surgery on both eyes and you were told to take it easy for a week, yet you want to get up and go as if nothing has happened and that everything is okay. What if you have a car accident or you slip and fall on an icy patch or snow? If you damage your eyes now, you can end up being blind and then you’re screwed, and if you don’t care about yourself, your body, then why should I. She never said anything but went upstairs. She never did go out.

2:45 p.m. Well I guess I spoke too soon as I just heard the front door close and looked out the window to see her leave. SSDD (Same shit different day)

7:30 p.m. Marian came downstairs into my room complaining that her neck and back were sore and that she can’t get in to see her chiropractor or massage therapist until next Wednesday. I said I have no sympathy for you and began to play an imaginary tiny violin with my fingers. I said you push yourself until your body gives out and then you complain and want others to help you feel good, so that you can carry on doing what makes you feel good. She left in a huff and as she went out my bedroom door, she told me to fuck off.

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