Post 755 Giving the gift of Guilt

2011 01 05 I dropped in at Goodwill yesterday and chatted with a woman working there that I had several chats and coffee with before. She had asked me how Xmas was and I said you know I don’t do Xmas. She then told me how disappointed she was in that she had given her grandchildren gifts of money so that they could buy what they liked, and that they never even said thank you.

I said it wasn’t a gift of unconditional love that you gave them, as there were strings attached. You gave them something expecting something in return. It was a gift of guilt, given in part that they “should” be nice to you and express gratitude, joy and delight in receiving this gift from you, as your gesture of love. But because they never acknowledged receiving your gift of guilt, they took the money but not the guilt that came with it and so what was not being accepted, was being returned to sender and that was the guilt, that is now telling you what they should have done, or what you should do, and the list is endless."

I replied, “Another way of looking at it is to turn this whole situation around. If you didn’t give them something for Xmas, would you feel guilty? Of course you would and that is the only reason that you gave them the money in the first place was so that YOU would not feel GUILTY, yet you expect them to say nice and phony things to you, (in guilt and shame) so that you will be happy. ! Hypocrisy or what!"

She turned to tend to another customer, waving the back of her hand toward me, saying, “Go away, go away.”

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