Post 757 Control and the unseen role of denial

2011 Jan 10 10:33 am Monday. Marian came downstairs and told me that she was going out to see her chiropractor and that she was expecting a call from her eye doctor. She asked me to answer the phone if it rang and to take a message, but I refused. I said, “You’ve got an answering machine for that. What am I going to say, Hello, Marian isn’t home right now, can I take a message? Let the answering machine do it.” She hesitated and wanted to say more, but didn’t and just left for her appointment.

I felt she was trying to get me to take responsibility for her, and in a twisted way, show her that I cared for her well being by wanting to help her. I feel it’s part of the old game of control again. Wanting me to deny myself, to make her happy, so that she can deny herself by feeding off me (my denied energy) so that she can do what she wants and be happy. Subtle, but it’s all there in the unseen role of denial.

12:30 pm Yet another “control plan” of hers was foiled when I went up stairs to get a cup of tea. As I was leaving the kitchen to go back downstairs to my bedroom, she asked me if I had finished reading the local paper that was lying on the chair. I said that yes, I read it, and left it at that.
I felt her taken back by my comment as I felt that in a indirect way, she was trying to get me to take the paper downstairs and put it in the recycle bin. I saw her look at me, waiting for me to “offer” to take the paper downstairs with me, but as I was holding a handful of crackers in one hand and my cup of tea in the other, I couldn’t take the paper with me. I felt her searching for an alternative solution, but I just smiled to myself and carried on.

I also denied asking her what her intent was, as I already knew it, but as a confirmation, and to expose her true intent, I should have, so that means that this will come around again. Asking what seemed to be an innocent question, but with an ulterior motive that was denied and unexpressed, that had an unloving hook of control and manipulation in it.It’s not just her, but this sort of thing is common and used all too often to control and manipulate others into doing what you want them to do.

Of course this is also bringing up my issues with my MOTHER, as “asking” was her polite way of “telling” us what to do. She used to brag to others that she doesn’t have to tell her children what to do, that she has only to ask them, and they do it.

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