I’ve been proof reading and editing my third book, and as I’m doing that, I’m finding that the issues that I went through years ago with a friend , are being re-enacted with Marian, but in reversal. Years ago, it was I that was afraid to ask questions or to tell another what I was really feeling and intuitively picking up from them, and now, while it isn’t the same issue or on the same level, it’s still about asking and telling, but in reversal. The other common thing is that they also relate to my issues with my mother.
While Marian is activating my issues, the real issues go back to my mother who used the same techniques to get what she wanted, while pretending to be nice, kind, caring and loving and only “asking” a question. Marian has been trying countless ways to control me from the use of praise and guilt mixed in with the “oh poor me,” of being helpless and in despair, to try to get me to do what she wants. She would begin with a simple question, and then subtly turn it around to make me believe that what she was asking me to do, was my idea. Another tactic was in placing a “seed” of guilt that includes using my daughter, granddaughter and son-in-law, to be used later when she sees that the opportunity is right to pursue it to meet her expectations. All the while, giving the outward appearance of a nice person and only wanting to help and make others happy.
Another tool she tries to use is the dog. The other night, she let the dog out and after five tries to get her in, she asked me to call the dog in for the night. I told her it was her dog, and that if she can’t train the dog to obey her, then it’s not my job to do what she can’t. She was put out, and a few minutes later I heard her coaxing the dog in with a treat. Another trick of hers was to let the dog outside when I was upstairs for whatever reason, and then as I was leaving to go back downstairs to my room, she’d “ask” me to let the dog in. Yet another control tactic she used is when I’m in my room and she shouts down to me from the top of the stairs. I have the door closed because of a cold draft, so I can only hear her mumbling, forcing me to leave my computer and what I was doing to ask her what she wants.
I’ve confronted her with every tactic she tries to use, but she keeps digging deeper coming up with new ones. I told her at lunch today that all this asking thing she is doing is good, as it is bringing up all my old issues with my mother and how she’d ASK me something but it wasn’t really a question, but telling me what she wanted me to do as she had expectations. Marian didn’t reply.
Another part of my issue with asking and telling is the confusion between my Mind and my Intuition. My Mind hears the words stated as a question, but my Will (Intuition) feels the words as a command. There is a contradiction and inner conflict going on, and as my Mind is still running on old imprints, programs and beliefs, it begins to react to the question, but at the same time, it is being challenged by my Will that states otherwise, and then the Mind has to make the choice to see the situation for what it really is and the unseen role of denial that is at play, and to challenge the intent of the person asking what seems to be an innocent question to expose the unloving truth.