2011 10:05 am This has to do with my beliefs, programs and imprints as to why I shouldn’t ask for what I need or want. As I wrote that, I heard my mother’s voice saying, “We can’t afford that, Do you think that money grows on trees, You have to work for what you want, You have to earn it the hard way, don’t be selfish, think of others and not only yourself.” What I was wanting and needing was not depriving others of their wants and needs, but allowing me to fulfill mine.
What I was wanting and needing was not depriving others, but in allowing me to fulfill mine. As a child, I trusted my parents, as I needed them to take care of me, fulfill my needs, and a part of my need and desire was just to be loved and accepted by my mother and father. I didn’t know any better , and so, in order to avoid conflict, I learned that if expressing my desire was wrong and made her unhappy, then I felt I needed to deny any thoughts and feelings of asking for what I wanted, but just to be happy and grateful for what I was given. That belief also has a Satanistic, religious tone to it encouraging denial and self-sacrifice instead of openly and honestly expressing what you want, need and desire.
Instead of manifesting what I desire, I manifest my denials as that is where I’m putting my energy, (thoughts, feelings and emotions) that I’m denying expressing, and it’s that denial energy that draws my experiences to me. Also, if my thoughts are focused on the past and on what I don’t want to experience, or they are expectations and projections into the future, then there is little or no energy available to manifest what I want in the present moment.
It seems so simple, but I know there’s a lot more to it, and that when I finally “get it,” it will be simple. It’s interesting as I get these flashes and realizations and then they’re gone in an instant and I’m left feeling blank, blinking my eyes and saying to myself, “What was that?”